It’s Quiet


And when it’s quiet, I pick up technology and stalk. Today’s bored stalking brought me to a picture of a college friend whose first child is now one month old. Cute as a button, that kid.
But it makes me unusually angry when I see that someone has what I have wanted my whole life and I know that I can’t/shouldn’t have it.  I’ve wanted kids as long as I remember.  I think I may be the only one of my friends who WANTED to have kids early instead of a career or nice retirement or a ranch full of cats.
And now the whole thing just makes me sad. I made the choice to move away from my husband to attend grad school. I couldn’t have a baby if I wanted to. Hell, I can’t even have an accidental baby at this point! How long is it going to be before I can fill that void that keeps rearing its cute, blue-eyed, fuzzy blonde head? Will someone talk some sense into me?


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